The story of Singh

Kisah2 Singh. :)

One Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach in America. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing?" Singh answered, "No, I am Banta Singh".

Another guy came and asked the him the same question. Singh answered, "No No ! Me Banta Singh!"
Third one came and asked him the same question again. Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.

While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?" The other Singh was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."
The Singh slapped him on his face and said, "Stupid, idiot. Everyone is looking for you and you're are sitting over here!"

****************************
A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul, he must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are in a year?
The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,etc..."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word.

*********************************
Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet : "What are you searching for?"
Santa : "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet : "And what makes you think that there  are hidden cameras here?"
Santa : "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying
'You are watching the Star World Channel'. How does he know that?"

**********************************
Having lost his donkey a Singh, got down to his  knees and started thanking God.
A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is  missing; what are you  thanking God for ?"
The Singh replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time,
otherwise I would have been missing too."

**********************************
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his  University final examination.  He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares  at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws  them out of the window. He then removes his  turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant,  socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions here"! It says here "Answer the following questions in brief".

*************************************
A Singh goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running  and asks him, "Mr. Singh, what are you doing?"
To this the man replies," Oye, see the board here ---  "Wash Basin".

Kisah negro yang haus

Negro Yang Haus

Al kisah, Seorang negro di Afrika sana sedang kehausan nak mati akibat tak de air kat padang pasir. Sedang die mencari air, terjumpe la die dengan jin padang pasir.
Jin tu cakap...

"Aku akan tunaikan tiga permintaan kau, oleh sebab kau dah nak KO, aku akan tunaikannye pada kehidupan lain engkau"

Negro tu pun cakap..."Pertama, aku nak jadi putih. Kedua, aku nak sentiasa kene air supaya sejuk dan tak dahaga. Ketiga, aku nak tengok punggung wanita tanpa mereka sedar"

Negro tu pun mati dengan tenang nye. Pada kehidupan lain, Negro tu jadi........ .......

....mangkuk tandas wanita...

Kisah awek materialistik & anak yg baik

Materialistik

Mamat kasihan betul tengok Boboi. Tension dari pagi sampai malam. Mamat pun tanyalah kawan baiknya itu...
Mamat: Apahal engkau ni, tension saja aku tengok.
Boboi: Hubungan aku dengan Ira dah putus.
Mamat: Putus? Kenapa?
Boboi: Materealistik sangatlah dia tu.
Mamat: Ala, apa susah, engkau ceritakanlah yang engkau ni anak Tan Sri, banglo tiga emat buah, Mercedes tiga biji...
Boboi: Dah. Aku dah beritau. Tapi lepas beritau benda tulah dia jatuh cinta dengan bapak aku pulak!

 

Anak yang baik

Dua orang sahabat yang sudah lama tidak berhubung akhirnya bertemu di sebuah pasar...
Mereka bercerita tentang keluarga masing-masing.
Maimon. Aku ada seorang anak lelaki yang kelakuannya sangat sempurna
Hasnah: Adakah dia merokok?
Maimon: Oh, tidak!... Tidak sama sekali!
Hasnah: Dia kekadang minum bir?
Maimon: Oh, Tidak! Dia anak yang baik-baik
Hasnah: Dia kuat bersosial... dan selalu pulang larut malam kerumah?
Maimon: Tidak pernah sama sekali! Namanya juga anak terbaik dalam keluarga
Hasnah: Wah, Nampaknya dia betul-betul anak lelaki yang sempurna, Berapa usianya?
Maimon: Minggu depan akan genap usianya 6 bulan!

 

Tak malu

Dalam satu majlis makan malam di sebuah hotel lima bintang, si isteri tegur suaminya.
Isteri: Abang ni, dah lapan kali ambil daging bakar tu, orang lain perhati saja. Abang tak malu ke?
Suami: Tak... abang cakap dengan dia orang, awak yang nak.

Cara mudah nak buat Menu bar di bawah Header di Blog

Di sini Za nak kongsikan macamana nak buat menu kat bawah header (selepas puas cari sana sini, baru berjaya).  Pada blogger baru macam Za, tak perlu pening kepala dan boleh cuba cara-cara di bawah ni.

Langkah Pertama...

Pergi kat "Design". Pastu klik > Edit HTML dan mesti klik expand windget templates

Langkah Kedua::

Cari perkataan yang bertulis showaddelement=’no’.  

Tak tau nak cari? Tekan butang control+F lepa itu taip showaddelement=’no’ dalam kotak  dan tekan enter. Anda akan jumpa lah perkataan tu.

Dah jumpa Showaddelement=’no’ anda ubahkan ayat tu menjadi Showaddelement=’yes’

Bila dah tukar jadik yes, mesti save dulu.

Langkah Ketiga::

Pegi semula ke Dashboard > Design > Page Elements > klik Add Gadgets pilih HTML/JavaScript....

Copy kod yang kat bawah ini... paste kedalam kotak HTML/JavaScript tadi....

Dah siap, cari tempat yang sesuai nak tampal kat bahagian mana... paling ok biasanya kat bawah header saja...

<hr/>
<p align="center">
<strong><font face="cooper black" size="2">
<a href="http:// zyzabacky88.blogspot.com " class="navigation">HOME</a>

<a href="http://zyzabacky88.blogspot.com/search/label/Lawaks " class="navigation">Tajuk label anda</a>

<a href="http://zyzabacky88.blogspot.com/search/label/Iman " class="navigation">tajuk label anda</a>

<a href="http://zyzabacky88.blogspot.com/search/label/Lyrics " class="navigation">tajuk label anda</a>

<a href="http://zyzabacky88.blogspot.com/search/label/Tips " class="navigation">tajuk anda</a>

<a href="http://zyzabacky88.blogspot.com/search/label/News " class="navigation">tajuk label anda</a>

<a href="http://zyzabacky88.blogspot.com/search/label/Health " class="navigation">tajuk label anda</a>

Tukarkan alamat URL zyzabacky88 kat atas tu kepada alamat URL anda. Sama juga dengan tajuk label anda sebab itulah Menu anda. Yg warna merah: Lawak, Iman, Lyrics, Tips, News & Health tu adalah nama Menu yang Za ada. Anda tukar lah dengan nama menu yang anda nak.

Senang cerita, alamat URL anda ialah alamat Label yang ade kat blog anda. MENU ikut pada  Label yang telah anda buat... kalau tak tahu url link anda, buka blog post anda dan klik label kat hujung blog tu nanti keluar url link label anda..... Contoh link blog zyzabacky88 mcm kat bawah ni

copy url link tu dan tukarkan dengan url zyza tu.  Kalau x der gak url link kat posting korang, taip je la. Just tukar nama "zyzabacky88" dengan nama blog korang, dan tukar nama  label "News" kepada nama label ikut suka ati korang.  Kalau nak menu Resepi, tukar la "News" kepada "Resepi" dan apa-apa je la asal korang bahagia.

lagi satu boleh letak seberapa banyak Menu kat situ... copy paste jer....

 

Langkah keempat::

Untuk menimbulkan efek warna supaya kelihatan menarik, Klik Design > Edit HTML . Pastu mesti klik expand windget templates

cari code   </b:skin> , agar mudah gunakan tombol CTRL+F
a.navigation {background: #3333ff ;color: #ffffff;margin: 1px;padding: 2px;border-width: 0;text-transform: uppercase;text-decoration: none;font-weight: bold;}a.navigation:hover {background: #333333;color: #ffffff;text-decoration: none;}

 Copy code yang warna merah kat atas tu dan letakan tepat diatas code   </b:skin>   kemudian simpan (save)

Selepas save, tengok la blog anda. Dah ada menu.

Pastikan semua blog post yang anda tulis, mesti ada link URL selepas tajuk. Kalau x, bila klik menu, tak muncul pun blog post berkaitan menu yang anda buat tu. Kalau x der tulis URL sebelum ni, apa lagi, pergi la edit blog post anda tu.  

Contoh URL menu: http://zyzabacky88.blogspot.com/search/label/Tutorials Ini URL Za untuk Menu "Tutorial"

Moga panduan ni berguna la untuk sesiapa yang nak letak menu kat blog.  Selamat mencuba ya.

Tak tahan ngan waiter

Remember when eating out was a relaxing experience? Someone else cooked for you, served you and cleaned up after you. All you had to do was chew, swallow and pay.

No longer, though. Today, you feel like a laboratory rat who has to struggle through a maze every time it wants a chunk of cheese:

       "Good evening," the maitre d' said. "Table for four?"

       "Yes, Thank you."

       "Smoking or non?"

       "Non smoking."

       "Would you prefer to dine indoors or outdoors this evening?"

       "I guess indoors would be good."

       "Very well, sir," he said. "Would you like to be seated in the main dining room, the enclosed patio, or our lovely solarium?"

       "Uh, let me see... uh..."

       "I can give you a table with a lovely view in our lovely solarium."

       "I think the solarium would be lovely," I said.

       We followed him there...

       "Now, would you prefer a view overlooking the golf course, the sunset on the lake or the majestic mountains to the West?"

       "Whatever you recommend," I said.

       Let HIM make a decision for a change, I thought.

       He sat us by a window facing the golf course, lake or mountains. I couldn't tell which because it was dark outside.

       Then, a young man, better dressed and better looking than any of us, presented himself at our table...

       "Good evening, my name is Paul, and I'll be your waiter this evening. Would you like a few minutes before I take your order?"

       "No," I said. "I'm just a meat-and-potatoes guy, so I'll have the  filet mignon and a baked potato."

       "Soup, or salad?"

       "Salad."

       "We have a mixed-green salad, hearts of palm, or a very fine endive salad with baby shrimp."

       "Just a mixed-green salad, okay?"

       "Whatever you say, sir. Dressing?"

       I didn't want to make another decision...

       "Whatever you've got will be fine."

       "We have Creamy Italian, Blue Cheese, Vinaigrette, Thousand Island, Honey Dijon and Ranch."

       "Just bring me one. Surprise me."

       "Creamy Italian is our house specialty. Would that be all right, sir?"

       "Yeah."

       I was curt. I was done with civility.

       "And for your baked potato?"

       I knew what was coming!

       "I just want the baked potato dry, you understand? I don't want anything on it."

       "No butter? No sour cream?"

       "No."

       "No chives? No bacon chips ? "

       "No! Don't you understand English? I don't want anything on it. Just bring me a baked potato and a steak."

       "Would you prefer the six, eight, or 12-ounce steak, sir?"

       "Whatever."

       "Would you like that rare, medium rare, medium, medium well or well done? Or, if you prefer, we can butterfly it for you."

       "Pauly Boy," I said, "you are really starting to get me steamed."

       "Which brings up the vegetables, sir. Would you like steamed broccoli, creamed corn, sauteed zucchini, or diced carrots?"

       That did it. I threw my napkin to the floor, stood up, put my face right in his arrogant kisser and said, "How'd you like to settle this outside?"

       "Fine with me, sir. Would you prefer the parking lot, the side alley or the street in front of the restaurant?"

       "I prefer right here."

       Then I sucker-punched him: he ducked, then countered with a left hook right under my eye. It was the first time all night he hadn't offered me a selection.

       I collapsed semiconscious into my chair, as someone in authority rushed over and berated Pauly.

       I felt my tie being loosened, my collar unbuttoned, hands slapping my face.

       When I regained my senses, I saw the very concerned maitre d' right in front of my nose.

       He apologized and offered to buy me a drink, call the paramedics, whatever I wanted.

       "No, no," I said. "I'll be all right. Just bring me a glass of water."

       "Yes, sir, right away," he said.

       "Would you prefer imported mineral water, sparkling water, or club soda with a wedge of lime?

Susahnya nak makan kat restoran yg hebat.... hehehe....

Kain Kapan Hj Teepo

KAIN KAPAN HJ TEEPOO

Al-kisah ada seorang businessman yang kaya raya bernama Hj.Teepo. Apa saja nama bisnes atas muka bumi ini, dia ada. Sayang, kekayaan Hj.Teepo adalah sebahagian besar hasil penipuan dan putar alamnya dalam bisnes. Sahamnya berpuluh juta, hasil penipuan. Tanah ribu hektar,pun hasil tipu. Wang beratus juta juga, tipu punya hasil. Puas isterinya memberikan kaunseling agar Hj.Teepo berhenti menipu, namun tak dihiraukannya.

Kerana makan terlalu banyak dan mewah, dinner tiap-tiap malam (orang belanja of course), exercise tarak, satu hari Hj.Teepo disahkan oleh doktor mengidapi penyakit barah dan disahkan akan padam dalam m asa sebulan. Maka teramatlah hiba hati Hj.Teepo nak meninggalkan dunia ini, tambah pula mengenangkan segala aktivitinya selama ini.

Maka dipanggillah anak isterinya untuk berwasiat. "kain yang dah buruk, koyak pun tak apa, buat kain kapan aku. Aku dah banyak merasa kemewahan didunia ini. Biarlah kain buruk yang ku bawa ke akhirat," jelas Hj.Teepo dengan genangan air mata. "Kenapa begitu bang?" tanya isterinya. "Saja aku nak merasa pakai kain buruk pula," jawabnya lagi. Isterinya terdiam,tapi hatinya berbisik, "Syukurlah, walau dah agak terlambat, ada juga kesedaran dan keinsafan dihati suamiku."

Maka tempoh sebulan cuma tinggal 24 jam lagi. Dengan wajah sugul, Hj.Teepo berbaring dikamarnya. Kain putih yang dah lusuh dan terkoyak sana sini telah siap disediakan. Untuk terakhir kali, siisteri menghampiri Hj.Teepo. "Bang", bisiknya perlahan. "Buat kali terakhir sebelum abang
meninggalkan kami, berilah tahu kenapa abang nak dikapankan dengan kain yang dah buruk. Sedih saya melihat keadaan kain itu bang. Apakah abang telah insaf dan bertaubat dengan perbuatan abang selama ini?"

Hj.Teepo merenung isterinya lama-lama dan bersuara, "Baiklah, mari rapat kepadaku" isteri Hj.Teepo terus menghampiri suaminya. Dengan nada yang sedih Hj.Teepo bersuara, "Yang, you pun tahu,terlalu banyak dosa yang I lakukan selama ini. Berapa ramai orang yang dah I kelentong. Jadi cukuplah kemewahan yang I rasakan. Biarlah I dikebumikan dengan kain buruk saja." Isterinya
masih ragu-ragu.

"Apakah abang fikir dosa-dosa abang boleh diampunkan dengan berkain kapan yang buruk begitu?" tanyanya lagi.

"Bukan begitu Yang. Kalaulah abang pakai kain kapan yang buruk, nanti Malaikat Mungkar dan Nakir fikir abang dah lama mati. Mereka juga akan fikir abang dah kena soal. Taklah nanti mereka soal abang lagi. Jadi selamatlah abang...."

"Astaghfirullah hal 'aziiiiiiiiiim" isteri Hj.Teepo terus terlentang kerana terkejut berok dengan penjelasan suaminya.

P/S: Mati pun nak kelentong. Nak kelentong Malaikat pulak tu..... Ambik le iktibar
Aisehhh... org macam ni pun ada kerrr????? 

PadaMu kubersujud - Afghan.

ku menatap dalam kelam
tiada yang bisa ku lihat
selain hanya nama-Mu Ya Allah
* esok ataukah nanti
ampuni semua salahku
lindungi aku dari segala fitnah

korus:
kau tempatku meminta
kau beriku bahagia
jadikan aku selamanya
hamba-Mu yang slalu bertakwa

ampuniku Ya Allah
yang sering melupakan-Mu
saat Kau limpahkan karunia-Mu
dalam sunyi aku bersujud

kau tempatku meminta
kau beriku bahagia
jadikan aku selamanya
hamba-Mu yang slalu bertakwa

ampuniku Ya Allah
yang sering melupakan-Mu
saat Kau limpahkan karunia-Mu
dalam sunyi aku bersujud
pada-MU 

Lawak Ringkas

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?   

 Boyfriend:  Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday

 

 

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?     

Customer: What other colors do you have?

 

 

Manager: Sorry, but i can't give u a job. I don't need much help.     

Job Applicant:  That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!! 

 

 

Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?     

 Son:  Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it. 

 

 

Diner:  I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!      

Waiter:  It's no use. He won't eat it either. 

 

 

Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!     

 Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?

 

 

 Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from  me.     

  Wife:  I think he did, I've still got mine with me! 

 

 

Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!       

Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you  can keep it.  

 

 

Father:  Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!     

Son:  That's why I say she's no good!